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September 9th cannot come soon enough.
Monday, August 23, 2010 7:41 PM

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If you really knew me.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010 11:46 PM
If you really knew me...
  • You would know that I fight everyday to keep a positive attitude
  • You would know that I fear I will develop the mental diseases my mother has
  • You would know that I have a hard time introducing myself to people because I think they'll think I'm stupid
  • You would know that I have to stay medicated
  • You would know that I feel pain in my heart when I think of those that are in need of help
  • You would know that I'm scared to experience a close death and I fear the day that I will lose those closest to me
  • You would know that I have never verbalized my deepest secret, mostly because by doing that I feel like it would be acknowledging its truth
  • You would know that I like to know people's problems not so I can gossip or spread them around, but because it makes me feel important enough to trust with secrets
  • You would know that, when I say that I never blamed her, I'm lying. I still blame her (a little) even today
  • You would know that I don't know how to feel about faith and religion. I don't know how to name it, I just know what I feel and that's it
  • You would know that I'm a story-topper
But if you really knew me...
  • You would know that despite or because of the things listed above, I know that everything I have gone through, everything I have experienced, everything I have done/not done, said/not said, regretted or wanted to relive, everyday I'm growing closer and closer to loving every bit of myself
  • I learn, I laugh, I love, I live

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Count your blessings.
Monday, August 16, 2010 8:44 PM


Maya Hayes: Dad!
Maya Hayes: Thanks for telling me the story.
Will Hayes: You're welcome. I didn't tell you the happy ending.
Maya Hayes: What is it?
Will Hayes: You.

Although this movie didn't do as well as it could have, this one particular scene resonated with me. My mother and I share a similar sentiment. Although she and my father went through (really) rough times, she has always told me that she never regretted it because in the end, she got me. She never ceases to remind me that I am her happy ending. I realize that a mother's love for her child is unlike anything else, but what is also unmeasurable in a different way is a child's love for her mother. My heart bursts with love for her and my heart aches when she's sad. I have never met a person that I am so in sync with--she is the one true person that knows me fully, inside and out. I can trust her with my deepest secrets that I myself can barely admit to; I can laugh so hard and for so long that we both forget what was so funny to begin with.

As the years have gone on, my relationship with her has changed. I worry about her--she doesn't have a strong heart, and I'm afraid that she's too concerned about taking care of others and neglects herself. It's like I know that if she knows I worry about her, that makes her worry about me, and it just continues in this vicious cycle.

There isn't much to be done about it, however. A mother will always worry about her child, and a child will always worry about her mother. It's a package deal with us. I just count my blessings and cannot thank God enough for blessing me with such a warm, caring, thoughtful mother. She's my light and I'd be lost without her.

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Really?
Friday, August 13, 2010 6:42 PM
So today I bought an iPad. Yes, yes I know...whatever you can possibly think of to say about them, I know. However, I wanted one and I think it's going to be super useful for school, so I bought one.

Yeah, problem is the people at Apple didn't tell me about all the freaking upgrades I needed to make for this dang iPad. I'm still using Mac OS 10.4 (Tiger) and apparently you need 10.5 (Leopard) or higher to connect an iPad. Otherwise, the device is useless. This wouldn't be such a big deal if the price to upgrade wasn't $170. I wasn't expecting to have to spend that much money and right now I can afford it, but I would also be cutting my money short. Not fun.

Well, I mean, I have to spend the money regardless. I want to use my iPad and I already bought it. I just have to bite the bullet...but this also means I have to watch my money really closely, which I've never really been good at.

So I say...

REALLY?

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Finally finished!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010 11:22 PM
So I've been working all day on my new layout and I love it! Some of my favorite artwork is called Vanitas, or emptiness in Latin, which was popular during the 16th and 17th centuries. Often times images like skulls, spilled wine, gold, flowers or fruit wilted and rotten, musical instruments, mirrors and so on. These all represented the shortness of life and how the material objects we collect in this lifetime cannot travel with us when we die. For example, a skull represents the inevitable death--after all, there are only two things in life that are certain: taxes and death. Flowers can represent fleeting beauty that disappears with age. Clocks obviously symbolize time and how it ticks by, not stopping for anyone or anything.

This may all sound kind of depressing, but I see something beautiful to learn from this type of artwork. The things that we waste our lives worrying about--money, jobs, possessions--these things are not what defines us. If someone were to gather all the things that represented me when I died, I would not want to be surrounded by expensive things and useless objects. Rather, I would want to be surrounded by people--people who carry stories of my life, who can speak for what kind of person I was. I would rather make a difference in one person's life than make a million dollars.

Some may see this type of artwork as morbid, and in a way it is. However, to me, it's a reminder of the things I want to do with my life and the things I want to avoid.

Click here for a brief overview of the Vanitas style of artwork.

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Arg!
7:09 PM
Well I managed to make something that I really like, but I lost my pages. I can't figure out how to edit the classic templates to how I want them...I probably should have never edited my blog so much to begin with. Change the header...that's all I should have done.

In other news--Pretty Little Liars is on tonight! I can't wait!

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New layout.
Monday, August 9, 2010 5:48 PM
I'm semi-satisfied with it. I'll probably tinker with it on and off...

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